is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
