i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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