So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
