We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
