Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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