I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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