dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
All the doctor said was why
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
