"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
