I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
