he wants to bone in the snuggie
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
