Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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