yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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