I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
