If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
