i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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