They have a pepper shaker for pot.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
