Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
