video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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