I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How's work?
Spinning.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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