i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
