i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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