After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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