at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize