Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
