I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
