thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
