You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize