I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
