mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
