So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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