Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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