can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Less talking, more tequila
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
