puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
