In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
