The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
