You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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