He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize