When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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