Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
