Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
