hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
