At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
