I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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