Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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