Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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