the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
