Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
