I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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