His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
