the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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